Krrsh’s Captain’s Log: The Day Democracy Finally Worked
There are moments in history when a people, battered by adversity, look around themselves and realise that only one individual possesses the courage, charisma and magnificent coat required to lead them. For the crew of the So Much For Subtlety, that moment came while several of them were floating helplessly in space. The expedition aboard the Vagabond Soul had apparently developed poorly in my absence: screaming, gunfire, Lars being stabbed through the throat by a techno-ghoul’s fingernails: the usual sort of thing. Anastasia ordered me to detach the breaching tube, rejected my heroic proposal to come aboard and rescue everyone personally, then suddenly appeared naked on my bridge. Humans have some very peculiar emergency procedures.
The others blew themselves out of the airlock into space, leaving Captain Krrsh – well, not yet technically captain, but history was clearly preparing itself – to collect them. I brought the Subtlety around in a manoeuvre of such precision that future naval academies will probably animate it for instructional purposes and plucked my crew from the void one by one. Lars was particularly uncooperative because he was dying at the time, his suit rapidly becoming a personal blood aquarium, but I delivered him to Parsifal and the autodoc with moments to spare. I cannot take full credit for saving his life. I will, however, take most of it. Medical treatment is famously ineffective when the patient is still tumbling eighty metres off the port bow.
After reducing the nanobot-infested Vagabond Soul to its component atoms, we landed at Hilfer for fuel, where the authorities demanded to speak to our captain with regard to ships exploding in orbit and some fairly unpleasant presumptions regarding Drinaxian commerce raiders. There followed an awkward silence. Apparently, after two years of piracy, invasions, revolutions and fleet battles, our little group had never actually agreed on who should be captain. There was discussion. There may have been a vote. There was definitely pointing. Everyone looked at me. By sheer good fortune, I happened to have a tailored Captain’s uniform handy. I went to my quarters, donned it and my most extravagantly-billowing cape, and smiled paternally at my new crew. I cannot wait to see how delighted and impressed Sharyl will be, when he finds out.
When I arrived in his office, the starport security lieutenant immediately began asking suspicious questions about piracy. I looked at him. I looked meaningfully at my fur. “Lieutenant, are you suggesting that because I am Vargr, I must therefore be a pirate?” I have never seen a bureaucrat retreat so rapidly without physically moving. After several minutes of his stuttering assurances regarding Hilfer’s commitment to sophont diversity, I demanded to speak to his captain. He stumblingly agreed. This was his second mistake.
The captain was much more reasonable. I explained that I commanded an accredited Royal Drinaxian vessel and represented the Dragon Throne. I may have mentioned Acrid. I may have marginally enlarged my own role in its liberation. Then I realised what the man truly wanted: recognition. “Indeed,” I told him, “as Captain of a Royal Drinaxian vessel and plenipotentiary representative of the Dragon Throne…” I am not 100% certain what “plenipotentiary” means, but Timaeus uses it and people usually stop arguing afterwards. I explained that his services merited immediate royal recognition. He asked whether I meant… I nodded gravely. “Captain, kneel.”
And he did. I knighted Captain Eddy Khidir on the spot, despite possessing absolutely no authority whatsoever to do so. There were witnesses. They applauded. I have lied to customs officers, bounty hunters and other pirates; I once convinced a man I was an accredited dance instructor because it seemed preferable to paying an entry fee. But even I was slightly baffled by this. Half an hour later I returned to the ship with permission to refuel and depart. Later, a delighted Captain Sir Eddy Kkidir arrived to pay his respects. Nobody challenged the validity of his title, so frankly I think precedent is now on my side. I remain, irritatingly, unknighted myself.
KRRSH
Captain, His Drinaxian Majesty’s Ship the So Much For Subtlety
Saviour of the Floating
Defender of Vargr Civil Rights
Maker of Knights
Possible Holder of the Royal Prerogative (de facto)
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